Each of us knows that person who is thin-skinned, hypersensitive, forever waiting for his/her buttons to be pushed, right?
Of course you do. He/she gazes back at you in the mirror each day.
Ah yes, you think, no doubt in a magnanimous spirit, I suppose I can be a bit sensitive on some issues. But I’m nowhere near as bad those other guys – they’re mindless zealots, illogical, you can’t reason with them.
To be sure, there are degrees of sensitivity in us all – some really do require others to walk on eggshells. But chances are very, very good, that while you may be reasonably easy going on some topics, you’re nevertheless hypersensitive on others.
And neuroscience is beginning to teach us why, thanks to sophisticated experiments connecting our perception of content (the words and deeds of others) with advanced brain imaging.
Turns out, the brain – which is foremost responsible for protecting the body from physical threats – over time begins to associate its beliefs with that same idea of self. In other words, the words of another – if running counter to the words/concepts I hold dear – are interpreted by the brain as similarly threatening to ‘me.’
This is why we appropriate content when it fits our world views and supports our perspective, and ignore or shun content that runs counter to it. And it’s also why it can feel so maddening attempting to reason with someone whose views differ from our own. A criticism or attack on a topic they hold dear is, in some ways, seen as an attack on their body.
Want to know one of the most dangerous situations facing cops and why police departments all over the country dispatch at least two officers to such calls? Domestic disturbances, usually involving family or friends, that get wildly out of hand.
Think about that. A husband and wife, who at some point ‘fell in love,’ are so at odds over the mere exchange of words, that they descend into a kind of lethal madness. Wives are beaten, husbands are shot, cops are killed.
While most of us don’t go quite that bonkers, it’s safe to say that each of us is constantly bristling, arguing, pouting, or otherwise getting bent out of shape due to the words of another – regardless of whether they’re issued in person, on social media, the television, etc.
There are many reasons I’m grateful for alighting on Advaitic teachings, perhaps the most important: inquiring into who or what is reacting to the outside world.
In other words, Advaita teaches us to forget the content/stimulus and instead focus on that which is made angry, happy, hurt, righteous, moody etc., by that content. That’s the key to the whole enterprise, isn’t it?
So the question is this: will you spend out the remainder of your days forever reacting to the content beyond your control, or turn inward, and find the one who is reacting to it in the first place?
