I recently went through another one of those stretches where, while my mind was busy agitating over some drama about which I was certain I was ‘right’ and could be of use to another, a far more valuable lesson was lurking in the background (if I’d just shut my mouth long enough to notice).
The source of the mental turbulence? Unimportant. After all, on any given day and at any given moment there’s always an opportunity to be perturbed by something or other, to imagine the world has got it wrong and only I can make things better.
Suffice it to say my intentions in ‘getting involved’ were good, my approach thoughtful and heartfelt, my position justified and supported by a vast number of studies and professional recommendations. In short, I knew what the hell I was talking about and I was exceedingly considerate in how I presented my position.
I told myself I was right, that my crusade was just, and surely those being offered my wisdom would understand and ultimately come to see that I was ‘right.’ Right?
You probably know how the rest of this story turns out.
How often have you attempted to help someone, to show them the light, to provide thoughtful or friendly or useful or loving advice? And even when the advice was solicited, how often was it fully grasped, understood, adopted?
In my experience, this is one of the most difficult habits to break (and one of the most useful in recognizing the perniciousness of the ego).
We see something ‘wrong’ with the world and, based on an infinitesimally limited perspective in an incomprehensibly vast and intelligent universe, imagine we have a better way of doing things.
Seeing it here in black and white makes it sound ridiculous, doesn’t it? That’s because it is.
You also may be thinking, “Thank goodness I don’t do that.”
Translation: “My ego is so much better than those egos.”
So. What if the world doesn’t need our help? What if everything is happening precisely the way it is supposed to? What if that vast universal intelligence has got it all worked out and doesn’t need our help?
Or, look at it this way. The next time you lecture your mate about, say, how best to park the car or load the dishwasher, get outside and tell the oak tree how it’s synthesizing sunlight all wrong.
At the heart of one of my favorite films and books – A River Runs Through It – author Norman Maclean writes of his family’s heartbreaking inability to halt his brother’s descent into addiction – addictions that ultimately would claim his life.
I think in ways large and small, some version of this story plays out billions of times of times a day across this planet. Obviously most of these stories don’t have so dramatic an ending, but lots of them do. The rest slowly corrode and erode our relationships and, more important, distract us from what is truly important: knowing ourselves. After all, it’s always easier looking without rather than within.
As is so often the case, Ramana had a succinct way of explaining things:
Beware! Attend to your own business. The only purpose in life is to be the Self. All other activities are a waste of time. Your only business in this life is to realize the Self, here and now, thereby cutting asunder the cycle of births and deaths.
