Death of the Ultimate Sales Job

“Nearly all mankind is more or less unhappy because nearly all do not know the true Self. Real happiness abides in Self-knowledge alone. All else is fleeting. To know one’s Self is to be blissful always.” – Ramana Maharshi

Waiting one morning for my car to be serviced, I work from the local coffee shop. In walks a man I know, middle-aged, well dressed. He approaches the barista, a tight smile on his face. Words practically spill from his mouth, the faux excitement transparent. “Hey,” he says to the busy girl behind the counter, “the other day I was thinking how much fun it would be to be a, uh, one of you, a barista. You know? I could talk to people, could learn about coffee, I think it could be a lot of fun!”

The girl, who no doubt sees the job as anything but a whimsical lark also recognizes the desperate charade playing out in front of her, sees an aging man clearly unable to find a job in his profession, someone struggling to ‘keep up appearances’ as he inquires into this ‘fun’ barista job. She does her cheery best to play along, informs the man he can apply online. “Oh, you mean I could even do it on my phone?” he asks, holding aloft his pricey smartphone, confirmation he comes from a different strata, does not need the job. She nods. “Thanks,” he says, “I may just do that.” The man and his tight, desperate smile practically run from the coffee shop.

I said I recognize the man because he is me and you and all the rest of us, we desperate humans with a Willy Loman lurking within, the one who emerges every time life ceases to cooperate with our mental script, the one who resists the ordinariness of its existence, the failed career, the broken marriage, the advance of age, the onset of disease, death itself. This is not my life, announces this inner Loman, it’s a temporary hiccup – my real life is yet to come.

And in this resistance we suffer and this suffering prompts us to edit and rework the script, to make amends, improve, correct, fix, to locate that future (always in the future) alchemic mix that once and for all will leave us permanently happy. Just gotta make a bit more money, gotta keep myself looking young, gotta achieve that big goal, gotta keep Willy Loman at bay. This is all that human existence really is – a never-ending quest for something bigger, better, perfect.

Rare is the mind that inquires into the script’s authorship. Which came first, ‘me’ or the script of me? If it’s my life, then I must have written it, right? And why doesn’t it ever play out the way I expect?

Rarer still is the mind that remains on this path, relentlessly pursuing the truth behind its own existence. Most are far too busy living their lives to inquire into them. If I spend time inquiring within, I will fall behind in the race toward progress. My bank account will be depleted, I will grow older without evidence of success, my children won’t get into the best schools. I can’t let go of the reins – where the hell might life take me?

Yet that is precisely the advice of the mystics. Robert Adams: “Many people enjoy the play because they wish to continue. They continue to identify with their conditions, situations, bank accounts, wives or husbands. As long as you are attached to anything, you cannot find freedom.” David Carse: “There cannot be the ultimate understanding without the ultimate surrender.” Thomas Merton: “A life is either all spiritual or not spiritual at all.”

But perhaps Paula Coelho, a contemporary writer, says it best: “We don’t look for an answer – we accept – and then life becomes much more intense, much more brilliant, because we understand that each minute, each step we take, has a meaning that goes far beyond us as individuals.”