Self-Awareness: The Meaning of Life

Many of us have a relationship with someone who is utterly out of touch with his or her own behavior. You know the type, forever blaming a mate, society, the Communists, sun spots for what ails them. They repeat the same mistakes over and over again and are forever blaming the world for their problems, real and imagined. You leave your encounters with these individuals shaking your head, perhaps muttering something like: “Poor blind bastard has no idea how out to lunch he is about himself.”

But do you ever wonder about your own absence of self-awareness? About whether others leave your company shaking their heads in bemusement or dismay? I am not speaking here of walking around with your fly down, some food on a tooth, or a silly public gaffe. I’m talking about a real case of ongoing self-delusion.

I know a little about the subject because I spent most of my life avoiding any truths about myself while finding fault with the world around me. I was more than happy to wag my finger at others, but turn the focus on me and up went the defensive walls. The threat of exposure was unbearable to my out-of-control ego and no doubt helped contribute to my growing list of anxieties, my fear that the world would one day expose me as a fraud. (Not surprisingly, this fear of being revealed a “fraud” is commonplace on psychiatric couches, particularly among CEOs and other societal “leaders”.)

Of the many benefits I associate with my personal crash, none rank as important as the awakening to just how unconscious I’d been. I’d saddled myself with terribly self-destructive behavior and thought patterns, and when at last I let some light into all that darkness, when at last I started to look at who I really was, the pain was beyond words – and also magnificently liberating.

But while those in the dark are easy to identify, what of the myriad shades of gray that keep you and me mired in unconsciousness? I am close to a number of individuals who are not simply blind to certain thought and behavioral patterns, but resistant to any consideration of that blindness. I am equally confident others leave my company muttering, “Boy, THAT guy still needs to do some serious work on himself.”

The truth is, ALL of us to one degree or another suffer from this absence of self-awareness. Problems arise only when we choose to resist these truths or, just as bad, allow ourselves to be consumed with insecurities about them (e.g. “I just know everyone is laughing at me.”) Either way, we are keeping our “selves” in the dark and the result is a constant undercurrent of pain and recurring life challenges.

How to become more self-aware? Let in the light. Invite it in, ask for it, pray for it, demand it from others.When I crashed I felt compelled to solicit honest feedback from those around me (i.e. I wanted a perspective from something other than my ego). Family, friends, colleagues – those from whom I could expect an honest and objective answer – were asked to provide me with the good, bad and ugly about Doug Rekenthaler Jr. Their answers, many of which were difficult to accept, represented the first keys to my prison door. The truth shall set you free took on new meaning for me.

The Buddha, the Christ, and others of their ilk remind us there is really only one goal in this life: to know thyself. Not to create wealth or sire 15 children or save the world. Just to know yourself beyond the false identity “you” (e.g. your ego) have created for yourself. Or as Paul Ferrini writes:

“We feel discouraged when we look within and our search for happiness with others exacerbates our deepest wounds. There are no magical fixes for this condition. It is the raw material of life which has been given to us to transform.”

So for me, any time the question arises, “What is the meaning of life?” I simply translate it to, “What is the meaning of me?”  What am I? All of life’s purpose lies in the answer to that question.