It is said the worst punishment that can be meted out to a prisoner is solitary confinement. Lock someone in ‘the hole’ long enough and he starts to go mad (note the metaphorical connection between ‘hole’ and burial/death).
Seems rather clear to me now that this is pretty much the way each of us experiences life – through the prism of constant separation. And I think it drives everything we do – everything.
Look at it for yourself. Are you not in essence ‘locked’ up in a body/mind, separate and apart from everyone else? Is it not a ‘life sentence’?
Now, some might argue that while all this is true, death rather than separation is the greatest of all motivators, the biggest of fears.
I disagree. How can we fear something we have never experienced? Think about death for a moment and what you truly fear is the separation that comes with it. If we knew we weren’t going it alone, if we knew that a dying loved one would be waiting at the other side or, conversely, that we’d be waiting for them, would death still seem all that bad? “You go on ahead, I’ll be there soon.” Ho-hum, just another trip, but a more exotic destination.
Recall the expression, “Born alone, die alone.” Just four words, but one of them shows up twice. And it haunts us.
So great is our fear of separation that we cling to unhealthy relationships; accumulate money or fame or power, but for the admiration of others; obsess over our bodies or our dress. We even create gods who will supply our lives with eternal meaning and we tell ourselves our lost loved ones are ‘resting in peace’ or ‘looking over us.’ We cannot abide the idea of a permanent separation and, by extension, the impossibility of a permanent connection.
To which someone might respond, “I actually like my alone time. I need to retreat into nature to recharge.”
Yes. But notice you don’t ‘leave’ for it, you ‘retreat’ to it, meaning the plan ultimately is to return. We even label them ‘retreats’ because the ultimate goal is to return to life better able to reconnect with others through love, family, work, whatever. To re-connect.
Children in orphanages who are not held degrade physically and emotionally very, very quickly. Left unattended long enough and these little humans are forever damaged. The same with the elderly who, overlooked or forgotten, grow senile, depressed, and die.
So what to do?
Seems to me the first step is to stop. Really stop and question that earliest of stories in the mental library, the one that takes for granted this idea you were born and die, that you are THE subject in a universe of objects.
I mean, how weird is that? That YOU are the center of the entire universe. And you take it for granted.
Next, Mr/Ms Subject, consider that everything you fear and everything you do is predicated on finding and keeping a connection with one or more of these universal objects. More important, recognize the impossibility of this. It is impossible.
Meaning, you are a rat on a wheel, forever chasing a piece of cheese you will never, ever catch.
